movies i can watch over and over again

in no order -

love actually
never been kissed
edward scissorhands
the notebook
10 things i hate about you
sixteen candles
pretty in pink
mean girls

Year in Review

1. Graduated college
2. Got into my first choice law school
3. Finished my first semester of law school
4. Had my first serious relationship since the 3 1/2yr relationship ended last year

Now I'm in something new...I've decided that I'll tell the current boy my feelings for Christmas. My present for him - my feelings. I've never actually told him "I like you" it's always come out as an answer to him asking me if I liked him, so I figure that'd be a good thing to share...or give.

No Motivation.

I really want to be a celebrity - for no reason other than the fact that I would have to work a hell of a lot less for a hell of a lot more.

Who needs privacy? Someone make me famous. And give me boatloads of free designer goodies.

Thanks. Back to being a poor law student.

In other news, I had a semi-emotional freakout last night over my nonexistent feelings. I am terrified of getting attached to this boy, but at the same time I want to get attached to the boy. So I do really redundant contradictory things that send messages that are beyond comprehension. I finally realized that the boy is all kinds of confused (mostly because he asked me why I was being unaffectionate - whether it was him or if I was just always like that). To be honest, who knows. All the guys I've dated previously go to the gym and weightlift 5 times a week. This one is tall and lanky. So physically it takes some adjusting. At the same time, I'm just not the world's most affectionate girl, and it's not like he's my boyfriend, so who cares if I'm not hugging on him all the time.

Anyway, I thought he was pulling back and making this into some sort of pluralistic sexual arrangement and got kind of caught off guard. I mean, are we allowed to see other people? meet other people? sleep with other people?

Then he drunkdialed me last night. In my warped and half-awake mind it made me feel better - that he was thinking about me when he was out that night, and afterwards.

Things that are Bad

1. Getting used to having the boy in my bed.

2. Feelings.

3. Being sad because I am sleeping alone tonight.

4. Finals.

5. Dreaming about finals.

GOD HATES ME.

It's official. My laptop has officially died. It no longer runs normal windows, and will only boot on Safe Mode, and even then runs at a snail's pace. My computer has been fucking up for a while now. If any of you can recall, there was a time when my spacebar didn't actually work, lol.

So with finals in a week and this bullshit going on, I sucked it up, went to the Mac store, and bought a MacBook this morning.

What happened this morning officially turned me off from ever being a PC user again, and has converted me to being a Mac user. So damn you Mac commercials, damn you Steve Job, and everyone else.

In other news - I was able to salvage some things from my piece of nonworking metal and hardware - IE: my outlines, my resume, my coverletters, my pictures...at some point I will transfer music to this computer, but as of right now, I'm going to be a dedicated Pandora listener.

I have FEELINGS?

The boy I took as my date to my professor's party drunkenly told me that he liked me that night. Basically said he actually liked me, which is why he didn't plan on having sex with me that night...because mixing those two early on is usually not a good idea. We had a talk about it being casual and whatnot.

So last night after going out, I end up drunk at his apartment at 3:30AM. One thing leads to another, etc. We ended up going to sleep at like 5AM. He likes to cuddle, and I like touching him.

I wake up this morning. And we're laying in bed. He turns and puts his arm around me and kisses me on the cheek and then closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. And that's the point when I realized that I'm actually developing feelings for this boy...or maybe I already have feelings for him. The only thing that went through my head was "shit," because I didn't mean for it to turn into anything - not that I'm upset that it has turned into something.

But I actually like him - beyond the physical. I like it when he hugs and kisses me.

It snowed last night. And we stood there, with his arms around me, and looked out the window. It was a perfect moment, and I think we both realized something was going on. Because after that, he just acted like a socially awkward giddy 13 year old boy.

Men's Shoes

Okay, so I'm completely superficial - but I have realized that I judge men based on their shoes.

For example - I took this one boy to my professor's party on Wednesday. He was wearing a nice gray wool JCrew coat, navy blue fitted sweater, pink button down underneath, and a pair of dark wash Xpress men's jeans that fit him pretty well. Nice black belt.

And then I noticed the shoes. To me, the ultimate sin is when a man wears a pair of jeans with black dress shoes. Am I right or am I crazy? But I think that look is awful and I connotate it with the jersey shore and the Gotti boys.

The boy was SO adorable though. So I made it through the rest of the night without looking down, because lord knows I would've just been completely turned off.

Other superficial turn-off's - boys who can't match, boys who wear t-shirts all the time, boys who wear white socks with dark shoes (and vice versa), boys who wear boxers (because to me that just means he has a small dick), boys who don't groom themselves (fix your fucking unibrow!),

Issue #infinity

According to HGF, I like cracked out men. This is totally true. And I need to correct that...because lord knows I was completely and seriously hitting on HGF's friend who is the most genuine, genius, cracked out drunkards that we both know. And I need to stop myself before it leads to something ridiculous.

To be honest, I like men who are a little off. Somehow, I've become one of those women who like men who have something wrong with them, that I can somehow fix (or maybe not fix). Maybe I just like the thrill of an adventure because you just never know what to expect with men like that.

I am extraordinarily attracted to him, and it's awful. The first time I ever met him, he said 10 words to me and I started making out with him. The second time I met him, I was standing between his legs and talking about his dick. Do I want there to be a third time? I told HGF to stop me from doing anything stupid next time, unless he thinks that I shouldn't stop...and he says I shouldn't stop...but to not date him, because no one has any idea what his thoughts on commitment are.

Chemistry. Some people just have it...ugh.

I miss him.

As much as I'm really forcing myself to move on, I can't help but miss him. When I went out with the boy from Saturday, he asked me what kind of guys I liked. At the time, I really had nothing to say except the generic - someone interesting, nice, etc.

I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days, and I just wrote those characteristics down. Reading over them, I realized that really, the page full of descriptions were qualities that I appreciated in the boy. And I realize now that the entire time I was thinking about what qualities attracted me to the boys that I date, I was thinking about what things I missed in the boy.

I'm just incredibly saddened by the fact that what we had really can't be worked out.

Unexpected

I went out with lawboy last night. Didn't expect much from it, but I think I officially fell in love last night.

1. He's a giant mess too (when he drinks a lot or is high)
2. His fav drink is a sapphire+tonic
3. He's pretty straight forward and laid back
4. He's in law school (3rd year) and has a job
5. He is SO freakin cute.

Okay I would have invited him up to my apartment...but I didn't shave my legs. Jewbear was sitting out on the couch in the living room, and my room was beyond messy. But we made out. He's short though, probably 5'9. But whatever. I'll continue to touch him.

Tired.

I'm just really tired of dealing with feelings and boys at this point. Just when I thought it was over with the boy and this and that, he decides that he's had his time to sit through and think about things alone. Apparently he cares about me more than he thought he did, and doesn't want to lose me.

My heart's a little too vulnerable right now to open up again to him. I spent a lot of time putting him out of my mind, and just accepting the fact that I am losing someone that I really connected with on a deep level, that someone that I really trusted hurt me, and that it's just going to be okay. I was letting go.

I finally thought I reached some peace with all of that, and he just brought back more anger and resentment. I don't associate him with happiness at this point anymore, and I told him that we needed to just get back into the groove of being friends again before I can be okay with resuscitating this relationship.

In other news - I really need to start developing some sort of radar for men who want to be my friend. I had a lot of guy friends in college - friends, not hook up buddies. I just assumed that coming into the real world, I can continue to be friends with men that I meet. Apparently not. From the summer on, the real world men apparently operate in ways that were unknown to me. They befriend me and always always always then ask me out on dates. And I think it's just friends hanging out. Then they try to put the moves on me, and how awkward is that?!

Anyway, why would I be interested in a guy friend in the first place? There's a reason you're my friend and I'm not actively trying to pursue you. There's just nothing more awkward than a male friend asking me out on a date...and me not realizing until he tries to kiss me.

DooDoo

Parts of my life that I have together:
1. Finally stopped calling the boy. Letting go is definitely (probably..maybe) the best choice.
2. Rejected city-boy's advances. No more mess to contend with in that department.

Parts of my life that I don't have together:
1. I've barely started outlining for my classes this semester
2. I'm not caught up with my torts readings
3. I have a contracts memo due tomorrow
4. I have a legal writing memo due friday that my professor claims suffers from lack of legal research (which you know, is totally true).

And now I'm going to do some yoga and watch nip/tuck and try to get my shit together.

The boy has continued to ignore my phone calls. He's also taken on the habit of not calling me back or texting.

I'm not sure how much more effort I want to put into communicating with him anymore. I might give it another week.

In other news - city-boy asked me to go to a concert with him this friday.
pros: i really like the band; i haven't been to a concert in a while; the ticket is free; it starts at 7pm so i have plenty of time to do other stuff afterwards.
cons: i don't exactly have a romantic interest in him; i don't want to lead him on; i'd rather be hanging out with AFM; it's one of my friends' birthday parties.

Well, I guess I'm just not going to this concert.

Rewind, Repeat.

Met a blonde boy (they kill me!), possibly one of the only ones here who has consistent gigs (as in...not broke) in the film production/photography world. His photo series on India was just exhibited. He apparently worked on Lindsay Lohan's proactiv commercial as well as Britney Spears' video with Madonna and with Snoop Dogg. Apparently on the set with Snoop Dogg, Britney wouldn't come out of the set and was sobbing and crying in her trailer. That was the night she sprained her knee and they just stopped production.

Anyway, we were at a wine bar - good wine, good conversation. Headed back to his apartment. Making out in the cab...on his bed half naked. Our bodies work well together...it seemed as though we had known each other for years, not days.

No sex. Nothing for him. He actually had to go and finish off in the bathroom because we kept on starting and stopping. But he has such a nice dick. I'm going to call him Artsy Fartsy Man aka AFM from now on.

Okay, so maybe I'm not as terrible in luck as I had previously thought. Although all these well endowed men that I keep on meeting are spoiling me for the average joe that I will inevitably meet.

The city-boy that I met 2 weeks ago was average...average looking, average dick, probably average love making abilities. Why was I settling for average???

AFM was raw and had passion. The artsy ones always do.

Shanghai Baby

"From start to finish he went to every length to wait hand and foot on the oriental princess of his dreams - his gifted girlfriend with waist-length black hair and sad, sensitive eyes.

And I - I finally realized I'd fallen into the trap of love and passion set by this man who wasn't supposed to be anything more than a sex partner. He had reached my vulnerable heart and then the intimacy behind my eyes. I'd fooled myself by saying it was all just a game, amusing for us both; life's just an amusement park, and we can't stop searching for pleasure.

... The shirt still had his smell. Burying my face in it made me realize what it is to lose happiness."

The boy is here in 6 days. I have a decision to make.

i was walking with a ghost

I'm starting to get attached to friday-night's-boy. He needs a better name, seeing as how I am probably going to refer to him a bit more frequently. City-boy. We'll call him that.

I've been talking to City-boy pretty frequently for the past ... week. It's probably not the best thing for me to do. Actually, I'm not really sure what is the best thing to do at this point. We talk for a couple of hours every day, and well, last night was just a giant mess.

I joined a journal and we had our mid-semester staff party. I started that night with about 3 shots of tequila. Followed by 3 shots of Soco and Lime. Then, going along with everyone else, I decided to go to the bar by where the party was. I was TRASHED and I kept on saying outloud how I really want to touch one of my neighbors. Probably not the best idea. Then I started DRUNK TEXTING City-boy. I don't think I actually wrote anything of any coherence but that's a different story.

Get to the bar and I'm trashed. Leaving other details inside, I pretty much start dancing by myself/with my roommate and start groping boys' asses. Thinking about it sober, I am SO embarrassed. At least the boys aren't in any of my classes. I was just too trashed to function.

Then I proceeded to drunk dial City-boy...at 1 in the morning. and we talked for like, an hour and a half. About what? Hell if I know. Too bad we live on opposite sides of the city. Or else the mistake of drunk dialing could've turned into a bigger mistake...

The things I do know about my drama-filled life - I no longer have a bona fide boyfriend. Whatever is going on between me and the boy is I don't even know. He's trying to work it out. I'm trying to actually forgive him. It's going to be a long process.

DMZ

Friday night: go out with HGF's crew to some random loft party thrown by his grad school's friend/DJ. Ends up going home with a 4th year PhD because HGF and co. were too coked up to go home at that point. HGF kept on pushing me to talk to that guy and apparently threw the guy a thumbs up in the bathroom. Kid is pretty cute, we can talk forever. We woke up at 9am (went to bed at 5:30am) and talked until 1pm. I didn't want to do anything beyond making out that night - so we didn't. Talked to him on AIM tonight for another 3 hours.

Sunday: tell the actual boy about all that went on this weekend. I think it made me feel better, because today I woke up for the first time in 10 days not hating him. At the same time, the fact that I am continuing to talk to and semi-flirt with the boy from Friday lets me know that my heart is still not 100% back in that relationship.

Regardless, I miss the boy so much and I really can't wait to see him - and by see him I mean have a lot of sex with him, and cuddle, and feel good in his arms.

Foreigners

I tried to move on. I woke up to the smell of roses, the dozen that he sent me because he was so sorry, and just immediately thought "my fucking room smells like roses...I hate him."

Went to the bars last night with the intention of meeting some crazy little [otherlawschool] boy. I don't know why I decided last night was just it. Maybe it was to prove to myself that I am not so deep into this that I'm not attracted to other [normal] boys, and that yes, there are law boys out there that I can actually deal with. And maybe it was also just so I can get over the boy quicker.

I'm not so sure the 2nd of those reasons was a very healthy option. I can't healthily move past this until I forgive him, and until I accept all of those feelings, and move on, with or without the boy.

I met some LLMs last night, well, one in particular actually matters. He was an amazing kisser. I'm starting to believe that foreign boys speak much better English compared to their American counterparts when it comes to picking up women. The first boy that I talked to (even though I found out later he has a girlfriend), after I told him about beer gardens, asked "So you're taking me there?" in the most adorable Italian accent.

The boy I spent most of the night with, repeatedly told me that I was a "fire starter" among other things - shit that no American boy can come up with. His kisses were so passionate, aggressive, they were amazing. But this one's kisses didn't give me that pit-of-the-stomach-butterfly-flutters that the boy's kisses give me.

I don't know what last night meant, but I woke up this morning, sober, hungover, alone, and sad.

Butler.

I procrastinate for one week and this is what I get -

1. Journal article to read and critique by 8pm
2. Journal article to do a substantive cite checking on...for 7 different sources...comprising around 40 different footnotes...by last week, or really, ASAP at this point.
3. Contracts problem handed out last Wednesday that I literally just opened and read, to be handed in tomorrow at 4pm.
4. Rewrite of my first memo for my legal writing class...due Friday

well...fuck.

Are we dating? Are we dating?

After discussing the current matters of the day (i.e. my CRIPPLING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS) amongst myself and others, I realized I might not be doing as bad as I previously thought. Sure, I don't have a firm grasp on what may or may not be happening right now, and I sure as hell don't know what I want, but that's pretty ok. I downloaded a lot of music, and I'm listening to it, and it's sounding pretty good. I've been outside every once in a while and I can talk to people at least a little bit. I just managed to take a successful shower, and I read some pages in a book too. I guess I'm not broken beyond repair.

I'm going to compile a brilliant playlist, buy a pack of cigarettes, go out into that big, bad world, and then (ever so quickly) run into the library and throw myself into my work. I'm pretty excited about all this.

Enjoyment

Some new brands of beers I enjoy.

1. Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat
2. Magic Hat Linx
3. TBD

So apparently, the boy has been divorced for 5 years. He was married for 5...except they stopped getting along for the last 2 years and then he found her cheating on him with their neighbor who was also married.

Giant mess.

LOLWTF?

this made me physically cringe. this is like the ugly nerdy fat girl in high school who lost some weight and took a voice lesson or two and now thinks she's hot shit...no she's still ugly, still not cool, and her voice still isn't that great.

i just lost 10 minutes of my life watching this and writing this entry that i will never get back.

Unprepared

I'm 1) not PMSing, and 2)not on my period, and 3)this has been going on for quite some time.

I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I really do. I look at him and feel at peace. I looked at him one day this past weekend and the only thought going through my mind was "I want to call this man my husband."

And I want to tell him.

oww.

Went to a happy hour at 6pm...very strong gin+tonics were consumed on a not-so-full stomach. Good people were met - definitely joining this group...if they'll let me. I told them I played the drums...but I also haven't gone near a drumset in about 3 years...so I really need to practice before letting them hear me...or I will embarrass myself to death.

Brought a bunch of people back to our apartment - proceeded to drink more. I am completely out of it, eating cold chicken from the fridge.

Went to the bar, sat there and drank water for a while, and realized that I'm about to pass out. Go home, call the boyfriend, talk for a while, proceed to pass out (it was 11PM...I will qualify that with - I started drinking at 6PM)

Went to the gym yesterday - am feeling it this morning. I am at the same weight I was yesterday...all those gin+tonics canceled out my cardio workout I suppose. I'm going to have to run many miles to combat all the drinking I will be doing tonight...

Need to lose: 6.6 pounds
Days left: 9

*Nsync

I've been out of sync with my life ever since I moved here. I've finally gotten my life in order.

Instead of eating leftovers/ordering out/going out/eating crackers and cheese for dinner I actually cooked between classes, bought salad greens, and ate a healthy dinner!

On top of that, I got a scale (okay, so I have some sort of an image problem - but what girl doesn't?), weighed myself, and I need to lose 7.6 pounds before the boy sees me (in exactly 11 days! so I probably won't be able to lose all the weight, so maybe 5 pounds). He's been going to the gym to GAIN weight for me, so my butt needs to head to the gym to LOSE weight.

I am REALLY hating the gym that the school offers. It is barely air conditioned, doesn't offer free towel or locker service and has about 5 treadmills, 5 ellipticals, 6 bikes for cardio for THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. That means my ass will have to be fighting to work out with the little undergrads once school starts for them...or else I will have to go during the day/really early in the morning. Moreover, the free weights sections are dingy, and there aren't even that many machines to use. There is one machine for each muscle...which means I will also have to fight with the meatheads to use the machines.

I guess this is what I get for going to a school where the gym is free. My alma mater offered 4 gyms with multiples of machines for only $125/12 months...and that has towel and locker service! BAH!

On the other hand, I am not doing so bad - after not going to the gym for about 3 weeks, I only gained probably 2 pounds. So once again, the diet journal begins.

Need to lose: 7.6lbs
Days left: 11

Finally

So I left...tears and all. We decided that we would take things one step at a time. Have him come up Labor Day weekend, see how that goes, and then make (or not make) plans for the next time to visit.

Classes have started - they're not all that bad. I've been spending SO much money on going out to eat with people and going out to drink - it sucks that those are the only 2 ways to be social with the people around here.

I need to go on a 2 week crash diet before the boy gets here...or he's going to not want to date me. I really don't know how this is going to end except in tears. I have never felt so intensely about a relationship that is barely leaving its nascent stage. And I don't think he has either. It sucks to have felt all of that and then to leave it all behind, so I guess we're just going to be hopeful...and it really comes down to me.

He has never been in a long distance relationship, and I have and then have regretted it because I felt like it just prolonged the failure of our relationship. When I was away, I never wanted to talk to the exboyfriend, and whenever he called I couldn't wait to get off the phone. But I actually want to talk on the phone with this boy, and I actually miss him. I never missed the exboyfriend, but I constantly wish I could have a hug or a kiss from this one.

I tried to take it slow over the summer, we both did - because we knew I would be gone and never come back. Now I'm contemplating visiting during winter break, spring break, and getting a summer firm job down south so I could live with him for the summer.

Our hearts are more desperate than our brains.

We know drama.

The boy and I are currently avoiding the "this is the end" conversations. We finally talked about our relationship, or rather, where we currently stand...and are refusing to acknowledge the fact that this is probably not going to last.

I don't really want to tell myself that either, because I haven't met many guys who can still give me butterflies in my stomach when it's been 5-6 weeks, and I don't want to let go of this.

UGH.

I haven't even been running and my shin splints are still hurting. Damnit, my body just wants to be fat and lazy.

So the boy set up a spa appointment for me tomorrow as a birthday present and then we're going to hang out tomorrow night. I'm excited, I will probably get drunk and ask him why he didn't talk to me for 2 days and then scare him off because I sound like a crazy psychopath clingy girlfriend.

I think he got scared because I told him I had a dream about him and he was being really mean and angry towards me in the dream. Who knows.

One of my guy friends called to ask me out on a date tonight. That was super weird and awkward. I am pretending that conversation never happened.

In other news, I got drunk dialed by HGF, Pradabag and HBF last night. It consisted of -

HBF: "OH MY GOD [Pradabag] just grabbed a guy's penis and then he trembled!
Pradabag: "MM-HMM"
HBF: "Oh here's [HGF]"
HGF: "Lick it good, lick it good, like you should"
HBF: "LICK IT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL HE IS"
[random shuffling]
HBF: "okay we don't know what we're saying anymore byee!"

Hormones.

I hate hormones.

I am PMSing like woah this week.

I freaked out because the boy hasn't called me in a day and a half and he usually calls every day.

I hate hormones.

Birthday Weekend Recap

Thursday, the night that I came back at 6am with out keys.

Friday, didn't do shit. (clearly a good choice)

Saturday, worked, went out to dinner with my mom, and went out with some friends from high school...but not before drinking an entire bottle of riesling by myself.

We were supposed to head midtown but ended up going to another part of town because the drinks were cheaper and there wasn't going to be a cover charge. I met this guy at the bar (27, works at Morgan Stanley, is from NYC, and graduated from Brown) who was completely crazy.

The opening line was that he and his friends were cheering for me before a shot. Then his friends (girls) told me that they were both married so it's okay if I let him buy me a drink because he's not a serial killer. Then he told me that I looked like Catherine Zeta Jones. After I told him I was going to law school and that's why I was leaving in 3 weeks, he told me that we needed to have a DTR conversation (apparently it means discuss the relationship) and that we were going to get married...but that I'm a tease because I'm also leaving this place to go back north in 3 weeks. He bought shots and we ended up talking to his friends and were somehow planning out wedding the entire time - how his friends are going to be our bridesmaids and our groomsmen. The wedding date is 11/11/07 - and I think at some point he was saying his name (Taylor) and my name with his last name (Wynn...I think, or it could've been Winn, for some reason he was spelling it out) not sure how I still remember that. He seemed really obnoxious and fun, too bad I won't be in town... ever again.

I got super trashed after that and don't remember much - at some point I was groping 2 of my guy friends for no apparent reason. Another note of interest - only my guy friends came out to my birthday gathering. I'm a little upset about the fact that girls apparently don't like me enough to come out...even if THEIR BOYFRIENDS are drunk with me (okay it's really only one girl, the other guy's girlfriend is in Pittsburgh)

I get home around 4am, puked, went to bed. Spent the next day puking and napping. Finally got off my ass around 3pm (only because the boy called, not by choice) and started reading the last Harry Potter book. My mom got a cake for me (so basically the only thing I had to eat that day was a piece of ice cream cake) and then I headed out to dinner and to see Harry Potter with the boy.

In other news, I got home at 2am and didn't get much sleep the night before so I am taking half of the day off today (not going to work till 3:30) whoo.

I'm an idiot

Went out with the boy last night. Sushi + drinks = fun times.

Things I've realized about bars and people in the south - people take themselves WAY too seriously. Seriously, people dress up like no other to go to a hole in the wall dive bar. People like that scare me. I'd rather be grinding up against guys who are on 30 different kind of pills in a seedy bar in NYC than be rubbing up against drunk southerners who take shitty dive bars that seriously.

I mean, people in NYC take themselves ridiculously serious when they go out too - but shit, they look good when they go out. This one girl was wearing GAUCHO pants and a pair of sandals that looked like she stole them from a prom in 1998. WTF. Just..No.

Anyway, that place scared me a lot. We ended up going somewhere else and then back to his house. Had hot sex, napped, more sex. It was a good night...except for the fact that his neighbor kept on coming by to bitch about how loud the music was. So he finally drives me home, and it's 6am when we're at my house - and I realize that I don't have my keys.

I had to ring the doorbell so my mom could let me in. I made up some bullshit excuse about how I spent half the night looking for the keys and didn't want to come back early because I didn't want to wake her up in the middle of the night. Kind of ridiculous. So I finally "went to bed" around 6am, and somehow I'm up before noon.

The boy said he would take me shopping for my birthday. That might be a bad idea, because he will probably be scared by the stuff that I would want to buy - because they're all ridiculously expensive - ie: Manolos, Louboutins, etc.

Under Contract

My parents' house is under contract...that means we've sold the house barring that there are no egregious defects with the house...which is good for my mom because she's finally stopped freaking out about not being able to sell the house (even if we're selling it for 10K under what she really wants to sell it for).

The boy and I are going out tomorrow night...I kind of want to drag him to go see the 5th Harry Potter movie with me. We'll see... My birthday is Sunday, and I really don't feel like going out Saturday night, but I made it a facebook event (even though I didn't put down where this was going to be - that's part of the reason, I'm too lazy to figure out a good bar to go to, and want to get drunk enough on my birthday that I don't have to worry about how the hell I will be getting home later that night/early the next morning) so I don't know how I can cancel it.

I'm excited for the actual day of my birthday though (Sunday), because the boy is off work and we're going to spend the day together (hopefully having lots of hot sex).

I've been running a LOT lately and now am suffering from shin splints. It's quite painful and I've been sitting on the couch with makeshift ice packs (read: bag of frozen beans, bag of meat) on my shins for the past hour or so. My shins feel much better, even if they are kind of numb.

Still not sure what to do about going out with the other guy on Friday.

WTF, World?

Why is this place raining every single day? Every day for the past 2 weeks it has rained. It will continue to rain every day for the next 10 days (according to the 10-day forecast). WHY? Why am I back to the weather that I had to deal with at school? The weather that drove me insane?

ARG. In other news, since I've started work, I have been watching my swearing a lot more - I say a lot of "darn" and "gosh" which is probably a good thing since I'm going to be in the adult world soon...ish.

Went over to the teacher man's house last night and he cooked a 3 course meal! It was really good and we hung out for a while. It was kind of awkward when I left because I had to lie about why I wanted to leave (told him I had to work today and I don't work today). I also didn't really feel much chemistry and then he starts making out with me HARD CORE on his front porch and I wish I would've had a video of it because my face would've looked absolutely frightened and squeamish. I don't know what the hell to do. Pradabag and HBF told me to tell him that I have either syphilis or gonarrhea and then just stop talking to him...especially since he's KIND OF balding (why didn't I notice any of this earlier?)

And then I made tentative plans with him to go out Friday. I'm an idiot. I should've just told him I was busy...but I think the prospect of doing something on Friday (even if I would probably be leading him on and lead to another weird awkward make out session where he's touching me) seemed better than sitting on my ass at home.

Maybe that makes me a bad person?

Craptastic

So I just started listening to The Brilliant Green, this J-Rock band that TIME magazine named as one of the top 10 most influential international bands. Apparently, the lead singer had/has a solo career, and I can't help but get sucked into the fantastic crap that is J-poprock. She sounds like much less annoying Avril Lavigne. Her name is Tommy Heavely6, and when she makes pop music, her name is Tommy February6. It's quite bizarre, but now my last.fm is marred with all this J-pop. Oh well.

And to think, I used to make fun of people who listened to J-Pop and K-pop and C-pop and all of those other Asian countries' music...although most of the time I made fun of them because they were either really FOB-y or white people who really wished they were Asian. I'm neither, and I'm just obsessed with music, so I guess I get a free pass.

It makes me sad because Oink doesn't have all the Brilliant Green and Tommy Heavenly6 albums and the ones that they do have, only have 1 or 2 seeders which means that I have to wait for 2-3 hours for the entire album to download. Sadness indeed. Additionally, they don't have the greatness that is Haifa (Lebanese popstar who sings in Arabic) and that makes me cry on the inside.

In other news, selling the house is turning my mom into a completely insane and emotionally imbalanced woman.

Repeat

Once again, I found myself going to bed at 4am on a Friday night/Saturday morning while having to be at work at 8:30am on Saturday.

Went to see some live bands last night in a seedy part of town. Boy was completely enamored by my outfit - jeans, heels, tight tank top...as was every other guy at the bar.

I guess girls down south dress a lot less trendy - everyone was wearing flowing dresses...or just not dressed very sharp. Everyone looks the same - either flowing dresses or some trendy low-cut top and jeans. I'm sick of trends - I love basics. If they fit the right way, you will look fierce.

What's with the bizarre hippie theme down south? I noticed that the last time we went out too - while I was in a cute backless striped dress, every girl I saw looked like some suburban Kohl's ad - wearing dresses that had different flower print on them and not-so-chic shoes (as in, non-MichaelKors-blocky-heeled shoes but rather just heinous shoes with thick straps and blocky heels and NOT a stiletto in sight. On top of that - people were wearing espadrilles with ankle ribbon ties out to the bars - way too clumsy and out-for-a-picnic-esque in addition to prom-esque silver sandals...way to relive the 90s)

Anyway, we ended up going to Waffle House afterwards (another Friday night tradition, it seems) and then went back to his house. The first time that I 1)remember and 2) am not throwing up. Things happened, and it was about damn time. I think I'm in love with his, ahem, quivering member. It's pretty much perfect in terms of size. I've been feeling super frisky lately, I don't know why.

In other news, staying home tonight - was supposed to go over to hot teacher man's house (he just moved into his new house) but it's raining and I am super duper tired...and would rather sit on my ass, type on this blog, and watch Law+Order.

Need to see the boy again. Hope he doesn't work tomorrow...but he probably does, blah.

hating this week so far.

my past 24 hours - go out with boy, get home at 11ish, sleep at 11:30, wake up at 7am, work till 5:30pm, eat dinner at 6:30pm, fall asleep and get yelled at by mom around 7:30pm, go to the gym at 8:30pm, get home at 10pm.

tonight/tomorrow: shower, TV, sleep...wake up at 10am, run errands till 11:30, work till 7:30pm, eat dinner around 8:15pm, go to the gym at 9pm, come home, shower, watch Top Chef, sleep.

thursday: wake up at 9:30am, work till 7:30pm, eat dinner around 8:15pm, go to the gym at 9pm, come home, shower, (maybe) DRINK A LOT OF ALCOHOL!?!! sleep.

friday: doctor's appointment, run more errands, HANG OUT WITH THE BOY ALL DAY AND NIGHT.

----------------------------
in other news, hot teacher man IMed me last night to see how I was (I had already gone to bed at that point) so I guess something more might come out of that...

Busy?

How did this summer suddenly turn into me being busy?

Every day that I've had off I've had to run some sort of errands. Now I got myself finagled into working all day tomorrow (usually my day off) but I need the money so who am I to refuse?

The doctor appointment is now put off until Friday...brunch with HS friend until next week...

Went out for dinner with the boy tonight...I have butterflies whenever I'm with him. This is a bad sign because I can NOT get attached to this one. No one has made me feel like this in a while...this is bad. I get giddy when he text messages me. That's not normal for a summer fling :( When we kiss, I melt inside :(

I am not allowed to fall for him...but I can't help it. I can't explain why I feel this way either. We don't particularly have the most amazing conversations, and he's not the hottest guy in the world (although he is freakin adorable)...but he just makes me feel happy and have butterflies in my stomach even when I just think about him. I guess that's what people call having "chemistry" with another person.

prognosis for my emotional well-being: not good :(

I'm Super Serial Guys

Went out to breakfast for dinner with hot teacher man. Then we walked around a park and went to a free concert, saw some illegal activity, talked by a lake, etc. It was actually a super cute date. I thought we connected pretty well. Nothing happened. We'll see what goes on next. He has a super busy week next week (getting his house ready so he can move in on Saturday) so I don't know if I'll be seeing him at all.

The boy text'd me today with "Hi beautiful!" That made me happyx1000 so I guess today was a good day overall.

Three sets of people came by to see the house and my mom gave me the wrong messages - told me the 12'oclock people weren't coming till 2 - they came at 12...and another set came at 2...and then someone else came at 3. So I basically was shunned from my house for a good 4 hours.

Mission Accomplished

Hot teacher man asked me out...we're doing breakfast (well, more like brunch) on Sunday. Yay! Super cute! He was going to pick me up, but I don't know how that's going to work out...seeing as how neither of us live on each other's way to the restaurant.

The boy called me today, this is a good trend...now if he can stop working on weekends we can have good times.

Worked for only 7 hours today - the lady sent me out to do errands for half an hour, then let me go home half an hour early (I did a shit ton for her during the day) but she's paying me for the entire 8 hours. That along with the fact that 1) only 3 of my 8 students showed up (meaning I was paid for the time I didn't even actually do work) and 2) hot teacher man asking me out may really mean that 7/7/07 is a lucky date!

Now if I could magically get the boy to show up at my door tonight and make out hardcore with me, it'd be a PERFECT day.

BestConversationEVER:
Pradabag drunk on AIM telling me he's drank a bottle and a half of wine and is on youtube listening to the techno remix of P!nk's "u + ur hand" while on facebook "poking" random hot freshmen/sophomores from our alma mater...and also telling me that he wishes he were a girl so he could be a giant skank and wear skanky clothes all the time.

Call On Me

My attempt to be sweet and cute b/c the boy is awesome but we have awkward conversations on the phone -- text message him saying hey, hope you're having fun at work! -- too bad he wasn't at work at the time. Oh well.

Went out with the guys from last weekend along with the hot teacher man to a hookah bar and then to Waffle House...I don't know how I feel about him any more. He's super cute, but he doesn't exactly have the best style (of dress) and that is somehow a turn-off to me. We have fun conversations being sarcastic and whatnot, but I think my vanity will win out against me.

My birthday is coming up - not sure what I want to do for it, or how many people I want to actually appear at this shindig. One of the guys knows people at this super chill hookah lounge that also serves food so we might do that, but since the boy manages a bar, I might just make the party there (birthday is on a Sunday, so I will probably party Saturday night), then I can touch him and he can be at the party too...and maybe go home with him...

I'm going to sound like a 10th grader right now but I don't care - I'd like to make out with him while watching a movie, then talk about nothing for a while, and then grope him till the sun comes out. That needs to happen the next day he doesn't work.

Not Again.

So I went out last night with Boy #1 (from here on out I'm just going to call him the boy, even if he's not a boy) for the 4th. It was actually a lot of fun but ended very very poorly.

We went to this Irish pub that actually had a soccer game on (Brazil vs Ecuador). I always get excited when soccer games are on in sports bars in the US, because they tend to NEVER be on TV unless you have satellite television. I had 2 g+ts there.

Went down the street to another bar and it was Latin Salsa night (on the 4th of July?? WTF??) it made me feel very young and not Hispanic - or rather, just completely awkward. We had a good time there, and I think I was starting to get drunk, because we did a shot and then I had another g+t. So that's like, 5-6shots of alcohol in my system. From then on, I don't really quite remember what I was drinking. We went to a different bar and it was actually a really cool set up - high ceilings with one giant wall where they had random shit projected.

I don't remember if we went somewhere else...I think we did...I'm not really sure how the night ended...but it definitely ended with me vomitting in his bathroom...and then out in public. My first public vomit event in my entire life and it has to be on a 2nd date with a guy.

The rest of the car ride back was pretty much me going "oh my God I am so embarrassed, I am so sorry, holy crap" the entire time. SOMEHOW, the giant giant mess that was me last night didn't deter him from wanting to hang out with me again. I must've looked really hot last night.

I'm still embarrassed for myself. I can't believe I'm out of college and I just vomitted in public. This morning/day has just been SO brutal. My liver is just not holding up like it used to, haha. My body is just not used to the heavy binge drinking anymore I guess.

Happy 4th!

Everyone's amused by the fact that I publicly called out the exboyfriend on facebook (with my status, which apparently shows up on EVERYONE's newsfeed) for being an immature 25yo boy who can't control himself. The best part about this is the fact that he text messages me the next day asking if I want to come over. No I don't. I haven't wanted to since we broke up, and I sure as hell don't want to now.

Going out tonight for the 4th with Boy #1. I don't have to work until 11 tomorrow so I can actually go out and have a good time. I kind of want to get trashed, I haven't drank in that capacity in SO long.

Friday --> hookah lounge with boys I met from last weekend...including the adorable high school teacher. Hopefully he shows up and will actually ask for my number this time. He's SO CUTE. I feel like I'm gushing about a puppy or something.

Change of Plans

I went to Off 5th today and fell in love with a pair of Dior heels (they were nude satin, ankle straps, with black lace detailing at the heel and at the toe strap). Too bad they were $189.99. I was agonizing over whether I should get them - I didn't.

Instead I walked around the outlet mall and got 2 pairs of pants from J. Crew, 2 pairs of pants from Banana Republic, and a dress from the Gap all for 70bucks total. WHOO.

Then I walked into the Coach outlet and bought a small purse. I was actually looking for wristlets until I realized that I probably would have no need for a wristlet in my life and instead settled on the small signature brown purse that I have been wanting for a while - and that was only $67.

So I don't think I will be buying any shoes (other than the Manolos) for a while, but it was fun while I thought I could afford it...

Evaluation

I'm definitely going to bid on those Manolos like my life depended on it. The girl selling them dropped the starting price to $49.99, so they're definitely worth the bid.

I'm still not sure about the Louboutins. Pradabag hates gingham, HBF loves platforms, together they both think the slingbacks are not worth the bid.

In other news, my birthday is in 3 weeks, someone please buy me these Derek Lam slingback platforms from Barneys...

=======================================

Complete unrelated - the exboyfriend (I just realized today) defriended me on facebook. He's 25!!! Who does that!!! I don't even do that, and I'm a completely heinous person!!!

Obsessions.

I got a refund check from the university because I still had credit on my bursar when I graduated...I've already spent probably $50 in anticipation of the check coming in, but now I am really tempted to buy...

1. a 20 gig iPod (to replace the nano that I currently have that replaced Isabelly who replaced my first iPod) from eBay for (hopefully) less than $60...which I probably won't buy because I would rather have a pair of expensive heels than a functioning iPod that holds more than 2 gigs of memory.

2. a pair of Louboutins or Manolos.

I found a pair of really nice black Manolo pumps on eBay for $100 (starting bid) I don't think I will go over $150 for those. ($10 shipping) That pair of Manolos would probably go for $200-250 new.

I also found a pair of really cute Louboutins on eBay for $199 (starting bid, $10 shipping) I don't know how high I will go to bid for these shoes...they're not as versatile as buying a pair of black pumps but Louboutin pumps do NOT go for less than $700...and these would sell for around $700 if new.

Moreover, I found a pair of Louboutins that are ridiculously cute for only $155 at Barneys...with shipping ($12) it's still under the starting bid for the first pair...but these are espadrilles so they have even less versatility than the other pair...

...I really want a pair of Louboutins...and Manolos.

I don't know what to do.

Man Update

Last night was fun. Boy #2 (29, Ad Exec from NY) cooked for me (!!) and we watched tv/movies like an old married couple. It was actually pretty cute. It just felt awkward because we're not an old married couple, nor are we a couple at all...and I don't know, it was weird. He was really fun and whatnot, but it was just awkward how it ended because I didn't know what to do...whether we were going to hang out again or if there was going to be a goodnight kiss, and it ended up being - "okay I'm going to leave now" and as I turn my head he goes in to kiss me and it goes into my hair...

So that was awkward, and I don't know what's going to come out of that.

Boy #1 (33, owns bars) has shit all weekend nights so we'll see how our schedule matches up next week. He called not the next day but the day after. I love boys who go by these ridiculous date rules. He opened doors for me (!!) and it was quite cute.

In other surprising news, as I am dating around the older age pool, I have come to realize what I have really missed out on in the past couple of years toying around with college boys - clean houses (not apartments that they share with 2 other dudes!) and men with manners. I was seriously SO surprised that the boy-owned houses 1)don't smell like stale beer, 2)are actually decorated and 3) are really clean and NICE.

Anyway, tonight was the co-worker's b-day party. It was actually pretty fun, despite the fact that I knew about 4 of the 20 people there and I was sitting next to my boss the entire night. Sat next to a cute boy (late 20s, HS English teacher). Too bad said boy did not ask for my number and instead facebook friended me...which is kind of a bummer because the internet is just really ruining it for the dating scene in real life. Instead of exchanging numbers it's - let's exchange myspace URLs or facebook friendships.

The only downer about this boy is the fact that he's also not that tall (boy#1 is not tall, boy#2 is pretty tall) which means me in heels tonight = his height if not a little taller.

OH WELL, I'm only in this place for like 6 more weeks...which is fucking scary because I don't want to actually DO school work...fuck.

real post

Going out with a cute man tonight. We'll see how this goes...hopefully well, haha. I'm supposed to call him to make plans, what the hell? Why me? I hate calling people on the phone! I just graduated from college, I still use AIM...I don't know what the rules are about calling boys when they tell you to call them after 5pm...when exactly do you call? 5:30? 6:02? 7:18? I'm going with 6:02...whatever.

I have to be at work at 8am tomorrow, OMG, NOT COOL. I'm going to need like 4 shots of espresso to 1)cut down on the hungover-ness, and 2) help me function at that ungodly hour.

Things I'm currently addicted to - season 2 of Big Love, The Click Five's new album (less cheesy pop, new lead singer with a more soulful voice), and (shamefully) Billy Ray Cyrus' son's band Metro Station (eletronic-pop-indie-esque)...so you can see those songs being spammed from last.fm

Tomorrow night - a coworker's birthday party. It's kind of weird that he even invited me, because I probably see him once a week at work and we don't like, you know, call each other and hang out or whatever. I might have to take a shot or two before I drive over to the party tomorrow night.

HMOTD - CoCo

Okay I've decided that I can't just post ONE photo of the glorious mess that is CoCo and just let is be...oh CoCo, you are a giant mess, and let us count the ways...

1. Her ass is ridiculous. Seriously. Ridiculous. I didn't know you could have actual ASS CLEAVAGE. Oh, but you can...you can serve a 7 course dinner on that.
2. She outdoes herself with these amazing outfits. Now most people wear dresses or shirts with keyhole cuts in the chest area to show some breast cleavage. Nope. Not CoCo...she has a keyhole on her butt so show some that not only is she not wearing any support for all that junk in the trunk, but that they are holding up very nicely on their own.
3. Not only does she like to show butt cleavage, she also has what seems to be Pam Anderson's old breasts on the front. How the hell does this woman sleep? I feel like she only has 2 positions - on the left side, or on the right side...because she can't sleep on her back or her stomach. DAMN.
4. 3 words. LACE. DENIM. PANTS.

OH MY GOD.

I'm sorry, but I love TRASHY TRASHY things (pretty much the demise of any celebrity.)

I really wish I were ghetto, or could even remotely pull off ghetto-star when I'm NOT inebriated.

With that said, do you know what I'm excited about? Ice-T and his wife (internet star) CoCo are taping the pilot for their reality show tentatively titled "The Beauty and the Beast."

For those who are not excited about trashy reality shows like Flavor of Love and I Love NY, this is not the show for you. For those who are not well-versed in what CoCo looks like, here is a good photo of her -ahem- assets.



================================
Furthermore, MARIAH (she's on fi-ah) CAREY has put out her first video since We Belong Together (starring none other than hottie Wentworth Millter) and Say Somethin' with that troll that Janet Jackson is dating. Anyway, this is with Bone Thugs -n- Harmony - here's the video, and I love Mimi...I can't help it. She was the first CD I ever bought (Daydream) and I loved her even all the way through Glitter (I even bought Rainbow). I have bought every single Mariah album and can list them in chronological order. (Yes, I am a fangirl, shut the fuck up).

deathstar

I am going to have to haul ass to the gym tonight. I want to watch Top Chef, which means I have to be back home before 10 (which pretty much never happens because I usually don't get to the gym until 9). I am also going out for some late drinks with someone at 11, which means I might have to just give up on watching Top Chef because I'm going to have to leave at 10:45. DAMNIT. Bravo better be re-running that shit when I get home tonight!

The date last night was a lot better than expected. He's not quite as boring as I had previously thought...but since I was wearing heels, he also wasn't as tall as I had previously thought. Pradabag tells me he would still touch him, so I guess I get the gay friend seal of approval. We went to the Cheesecake Factory, and went and saw 1408, and to Pradabag's complete surprise - didn't even kiss. Hello, it was a first real date, and southern men do not work it like that (I mean, even I know that). Most southern men take about at least 3 dates to even take the relationship to a sexual level.

Also - the most nerve-wrecking 10 seconds of my life thus far this week? when I saw a totally ugly faded blue nasty ass truck (the kind that you would find 15 illegal immigrants in the back of) pull in and thought it was him. Thank God it wasn't. For the curious, he drives a black Lexus...which is a far cry from the illegal immigrant truck.

Anywho, we're probably going to hang out again, seeing as how he sent me a text once he got home about how it was great and whatnot. We made fun of fat people together, that's probably a good sign of a long lasting relationship (with me, anyway - the other ingredients include lies, deceit, and a big dick)

Okay, so I actually did my normal load of weight lifting yesterday at the gym, and voila, I lost .6 pounds, so that means 9.4pounds to go till I reach my high school weight, haha.

Yawn

I'm going out with someone tonight. He's cute and has a really nice body even if he doesn't have a real job (he's a bartender and he's 33.)

He is kind of boring to talk to, but I can just stare at him and get a free meal and movie out of it so I guess it's not that bad of a deal.

Sometimes I call boys and go on dates because it's a free meal that's not with my parents. One time, I went on a date with someone who will not be named, and he actually made me pay for my share of the meal...and then proceeded to call me and try to make plans with me later. I don't think so.

Man that I had a connection with needs to call or text me. I feel like we're playing one of those games. He called, he text'd, he called again, and maybe he thinks it's my turn to initiate conversation/go out. I'm so lazy when it comes to that - I just don't like to call people. So, no, still his turn.

Also, to the 3 people who actually read this blog - I am still at 10 pounds to go in terms of going back to my pre-college weight. I don't understand it, I don't go to the gym for 2 days and eat a lot of chocolate and I don't gain any weight. The next 2 days I go to the gym and go back to my routine, and stop eating chocolate, and I still don't lose any weight. I think I've hit a plateau...or I may just have to start working out harder (I've been kind of slacking on the weight-lifting for the past couple of days.)

CL Update 2

Had to share this -

This picture apparently is from "Adonis Lover." No, more like Silly Thug.

CL

I posted an ad on craigslist looking for friends (no serious, I did, I am that sketchy and desperate - this happened when I found myself with no one to call on a Saturday night and decided that this situation needed to be rectified).

Anyway, I obviously am not only looking for "friends" so I wrote up some crap about me and what I was looking for - single men under 35 who are fit, who can carry on a decent conversation, and who will send me pictures of themselves.

Some of the responses that I've received DEFINITELY need to be shared with the rest of the interwebs. We'll start with -

THE GOOD:
1. Princeton Junior who attached his facebook profile as a photo. Cute, decent, interesting.
2. Emory Senior who is quite smart and cute, pretty interesting.
3. 34 year old professional man with whom I had a very long (3 1/2 hours) phone conversation.
4. Musician type who's very well versed.

THE BAD:
1. " i would like to meet a girl as you are" from some foreign man, and "so please reply me" from a different foreign man.

2. Anyone with poor grammar - using @ instead of writing "at," using "u" instead of "you," and writing in ghetto speak like using the word "holla."

3. Anyone who gives me his number in the first email asking to call.

4. Anyone who uses serial dating language in emails (that just signals desperate and frequent trollings of the interwebs for hookups...which is not what I am looking for)

5. Anyone who has a sketchy email address - some examples - "bigboi22," "cutesingle28m," "el rico williams" and using numbers in their email addresses for letters.

6. Anyone ugly - For example...ugh, you are NOT cute, or fit, and your picture shows a stupid cliche tattoo on a stupid cliche place and you have a farmer's tan. NO.He's the guy on the left. I think he looks like a pre-op tranny mixed with David Gest (Liza Minelli's ex that she beat, according to him). That might just be my opinion though?

7. Anyone who sends a picture and it looks completely professional and is probably not him. IE:8. Anyone who quotes KANYE WEST in the 6 page email. WTF? and yes, I am for real, he signed off with "professor kwest" ...... OKAY?

9. Anyone who LIES about how much they go to the gym. The guy in this photo claimed he goes 6x a week...well damn, you're chubs....10. Anyone who is already in a relationship. I don't care if you are "polyamorous" - NO. Too bad, he is okay looking and has a PhD from Johns Hopkins in Biology (except his email address was "a torrid affair" and that was just way too dramatic for what I am in for).

11. Anyone who sends me a link to their MYSPACE page for "pics and info"....and then I go and realize what a terrible mistake I made and reboot my computer in order to erase that from the laptop's memory.

12. The line " hello there keyanboiz here to rock ur world in all ways u want" - NO.

13. Fat people - telling me that you are "6'0 feet tall, chocalate skin, brown eyes, medium/large build(about the size of "cedric the entertainer)." is not the way to go...especially when you misspell chocolate...and it seems you love chocolate from the way you are.

14. Anyone with a funny name, like Larry or Arthur...or in one special case, he signed off with "Robbbb" yes, he apparently is special and has 4 b's in his name. NO.

15. People who claim to be in their 20s and look about 45.


Yes, I'm judgmental.

hgm

I am hoping to beat HEF in her "assistant school district superintendent," - the goal - a professional basketball coach (okay, assistant, he's 29, so stop judging, you know who you are)

Underwhelmed

Okay, so I really have no idea what I am doing in my second job...I've talked to the owner about 3 times about my proposals for the first project...and it's just not working out because I still have no idea what I'm supposed to write for the proposal...and so I am going to show up with my laptop this afternoon with a blank word document because I have NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE.

I have to come up a timeline (which is pretty impossible for me to do because to do this project I have to rely on the availability and schedule of others...along with mine since I work 4 days a week)...along with an upfront pay for the entire project.

I'm watching TV right now - and DirecTV is having a commercial about how it is on 99.96% of the time...except DirecTV went out at my gym last night when I was attempting to watch NCAA Baseball during commercials of The Office.

My mom is freaking out because she thinks we won't sell the house, and my dad is leaving tomorrow morning to Philadelphia...which means it's just me and my mom for the next 7 weeks...which may or may not drive me completely insane.

I have to leave soon...with my blank proposal (it literally has nothing in it) *minor freak out*

weight loss update: +10lbs to go.

Alphabet Soup

Every year at school I've had some sort of ... out-of-character (well, it's probably in my character now to do outrageous things since this has happened every year!) experience.

Ex: Freshmen year
I decided it would be "fun" and "interesting" (and at the same time get in touch with my roots because I've always been "white-washed") to rush and subsequently pledge a multi-cultural sorority. That was possibly the stupidest, worst waste of my time EVER. I probably wouldn't have continued for so long were it not for the fact that my roommate was doing it with me and doing it for as long.

We had to memorize a ridiculous amount of non-consequential information (does it really matter what my pledge sister's room number is? NO) and then have periodic line-ups and verbal quizzes...and then get either merits or demerits (mostly demerits for me). The roommate and I ended up forging sisters' signatures to get out of doing some things in addition to not having stuff that we were supposed to have on us, getting not only a bazillion points in demerits but also having our pledge class be mad at us.

Sophomore Year
I decide that it would be good idea to hit on and then sleep with a grad student (he was 37) who was also my TA, the night before my final in that class.

The next semester, I decide that it would be an even better idea to hit on and profess my love to a certain 35 year old professor. Oy.

Junior/Senior Year (I graduated a year early)
As a Resident Advisor, I decide that it would be wise to hook up with one of my residents (which actually isn't against the rules, but still frowned upon)...who is 18. Then kiss a 17 year old. Then just make all sorts of mistakes in the realm of relationships...like going to formals with a certain person who takes a lot of acid and shows up at my door at 1:30 in the morning unannounced in order to profess his love to me...or going back to the ex-boyfriend.

And that's not even half of what I went through this past year.

Anyway, my point is - in this bizarro world that is my lovelife, I've had one or two constants.
1. Most of the boys that I have been with, their names start with B. (even the professor, if you know, if went that far)
2. This summer, the boys that I have determined as eye candy/potentials all have the same name (FOUR of them)

Busy Bee

Nevermind, my tutoring job is actually Mon/Wed at a diff center's location from 12-7:30PM, then Thurs/Sat from 11-7:30 and 9-5:30 at the place that I already work at. So that's 30 hours a week, which is pretty much what I wanted from the beginning.

My second job's boss is calling me at 11am to give me projects to start writing proposals for and then go in on Friday to talk about it and to actually start working.

I hung out with one of my friends from HS last night. Good to know other people have even more fucked up relationships than I do. Although my fucked up relationship lasted for a lot longer than hers did (3yrs vs 1). I'm just glad I have some friends who will get real with me and use whatever methods to get the reality through to my head...because she was stuck with a freeloading, not even that attractive, large, not going anywhere, older man....for an entire year.

That is just sad. If I were in that situation, my friends would've shamed me until I left him. I probably would be too embarrassed to actually go out anywhere with him...and then we'd just break up.

Weight update -10.4 to go...

Civil War

Updates on life after college:

HJF and HGF are not working out. As we know, HJF, in a fantastic fashion, left me in the middle of NYC not too long ago, with all of his stuff in my possession, and I was teetering on the edge of throwing that backpack and all of his other stuff into the Hudson River. (Read the entry here )

HJF and HGF are living together this summer, and from what I hear, HGF is teetering close to the edge of losing it and stabbing HJF in his sleep.

Twist: HJF and HGF are going to NYC together this weekend...can't wait to see how that works out.
Twist#2: HGF is seriously contemplating moving home next month because he can't stand living with HJF anymore.
Twist#3: HBF is moving at the beginning of July to live with HGF and HJF...and HJF and HBF haven't exactly gotten along in the last couple of weeks of college, so I can't wait to see how that works out either...because HJF is a neat freak, and HBF isn't exactly (well, not even close to) a very neat apartment-mate in terms of cleaning up her room/stuff.

In other news - I miss my hipster friends from college...they're all in NYC living it up (read: getting high by the NY Pier and thinking the pigeons are staring at them in judgmental ways) while I'm in the South doing little to nothing exciting.

The house went on the market yesterday, and today we already had someone come by to look at it...the agent left a message saying they'd stop by between 1-3pm, meaning I just got home because I got shunned from my house for those 2 hours. I think the local Starbucks will be seeing a lot of me in the next couple of weeks because that's where I go to read my book (re-reading Anna Karenina for the summer)/call random people when I get shunned from my house.

Lip Gloss

Who's heard of Lil Mama? She has a song out about LIP GLOSS right now. Honestly...LIP GLOSS...about MAC and L'Oreal and how boys stare at her while she's at her locker...because her lip gloss is poppin'.

I'm tempted to download her album to see if it's a whole make-up guide - like if the 2nd song is about blush, 3rd about eyeshadow, etc. (EDIT: looked it up - album is called Voice of the Young People.........and apparently they care about lip gloss) She's 17, not 13, there are other things going on in life than lip gloss...

and then she went and remixed Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" which made it even more annoying to listen to.

Most aggravating part of all of this for me is - I have to listen to these songs at the gym because the tempo is really fast so it's good to listen to at the gym and run to and then get them stuck in my head.

Okay weight-loss update - +12

happy 100th post to my blog

why the hell did I make a dentist appointment for 9:10AM? Am I a masochist?? I should've set the alarm for 8:50AM...it's not like I am going to eat before an dental appointment, that would be even more idiotic. I plan on coming home and sleeping.

On another note, I am adamant about losing the 15 pounds that I've gained in my years at college this summer.

I have +12.4 to go. The plan is to 1)do cardio for at least 45min/day, 2)not eat anything after 8pm, 3)stop snacking.

This can't be that hard...well, except for the snacking part I suppose.

well crap.

my "regular" schedule for my job finally came down - I only have 2 days of the week instead of uh...the 5 that I requested. GREAT.

I started emailing people about summer jobs today so that I'm not sitting on my ass 5 days of the week and I'm meeting with one of them on Friday. That job is pay by project only, so it shouldn't be too bad. I still have no idea what I would be doing, but basically the owner said she has so much going on that I could pretty much pick the projects that I am interested in doing. That's not too bad.

If it comes down to it, I might have to start going to restaurants and asking for jobs. It's not that I need the money very badly, but more the fact that I feel like a complete waste of life sitting on my ass doing nothing day after day (I'm restless and it's only been 2 days).

Our house is going up for sale TOMORROW, so I really need to get busy so that I'm not awkward and in the house when people come to look at it.

PS. I wish I were back at college...all the fun people are going to be there this summer except for me and HEF. On the other hand, things are looking spectacular for my liver...

Top Secret Gay Bomb

The Pentagon = HMOTD.

and lunge

I want Chloe Sevigny's legs! Oh and also her ability to pull off an ORANGE dress.

HMOTD - Jason Behr

This was when he was in The Grudge (SO HOT). The next set of photos was from some photo shoot done in Winter 2004...


He doesn't really need a blurb. He's just fucking hot. Oh yeah, he was on the alien TV show of yesteryear - Roswell.


Oh yeah, and PLEASE kick to enlarge, because the hotness of this photoshoot just can NOT be contained unless it is on fullscreen.


Sadness- he is married. Good things - he got more buff, and is filming some movie called The Tattooist.mMmm...ripped.

extreeeme

What the hell? I'm losing my game...well, I never had game to begin with, it was more of - look good, get hit on, and choose either to respond positively, ignore, or respond negatively.

Stupid southern boys and playing it safe is really not my style. I'm not really used to being as aggressive as I really should be with this boy (given the fact that I have about 8 weeks left in this place to seal the deal and make it into a summer fling).

Good vibes were in place- I made a lot of physical contact when I was talking to him, isolated myself with him from our other friends, etc etc. Although I suppose I could have been seen as playing games because towards the end of the night I wasn't as aggressive (but then again it wasn't as intimate of a situation - we ended up leaving the bar and going to his frat house, where I knew exactly 1 other person) but that could also be because I was also sobering up and needed to get my ass home so I could get to work at 8am.

I don't even think this is about attraction anymore - it's about my ego, and that means I need to bed him within the next week. I'm supposed to be having dinner (girls-only!) with 2 other girls who are actually dating 2 guys in the fraternity Wednesday night so p-haps I will bring it up and they can tell me about the man and his...romantic past (whether he's aggressive, serial dater, serial monogamist, serial...onenightstander, celibate, etc)

ohh excursion #2

I really thought I was going to have no social life this summer - but this may just be the 2nd blip on the radar. open bar from 7-9pm!!! which means I will be leaving mi casa very soon.

Going away party for my friend from HS who is heading to LA to be the personal assistant (read: babysitter for) to a certain alt-rocker-turned-mega-producer. I'm just excited because he owns a stake in a certain hipster bar by where I will be living next year and she will CERTAINLY be inviting me to rub elbows with the likes of ASHLEE SIMPSON! (I love terrible pop singers!)

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In other news, I am in love with the south's weather! It started raining and thundering and JUST stopped - so it rained for a total of about 30min...the streets are almost dry now! LOVE THIS! This is such a departure from the alma mater's weather - which was just about exactly the opposite - rain for long periods of time with about 30min of dryness, then more rain...and more rain...and more thunder...and I just want to cry thinking about it.

Oh and, HMOTD? PARIS HILTON. Wow, she needs a life coach.

She easily cries...

Last day of training at work today - thank God!! I had to tutor a 6yo today...who was crying and just did not want to cooperate. It was her first day here and I thought I was going to have my hands full for the entire time.

Somehow, she warmed up to me, and I let her take breaks every so often to draw pictures/color random word problems/play tic-tac-toe with me/eat candy and it was actually quite pleasant. She didn't even want to leave and asked when she was going to come back next. Whoo. Crisis definitely averted.

So I actually start working Saturday! 9-5:30, too bad I have to get there so fucking early (8am) to start preparing for the entire day. That means my ass will actually get paid before July!! WHOO!!

My body has not been cooperating with me the past day or so. I haven't been to the gym in 2 days because I've either been really tired (yesterday) or having intense stomach aches (today). Since I don't work tomorrow my lazy butt is going to the gym for like 3 hours.

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Random Music Reviews -

White Stripes - Icky Thump - very eh, read some raves, so I went and got the album..not very into this sort of disjointed, low-fi music with at-times cacophonous melodies

Stroke 9 - The Last of the International Playboys - different from Nasty Little Thoughts and Rip It Off, haven't given it more than 2 straight plays through, think it will get better definitely with more listens

Paramore - Riot! - a lot more rock-n-roll than the last album, am loving Haylie's voice on this album, wish at times the tempo could slow down just a little

Kelly Clarkson - My December - a lot of very emotional...Behind-Hazel-Eyes-esque songs on this album, which in my mind isn't too bad...but it gets a little trite for the entire album, am not so crazy about the single nor am I so crazy about some of the slower songs on the album...all in all, a sophomoric album - expected to fizzle.

I have somewhere to live!

I just saw the floorplans of the place I will be living in

we have a pretty big living area, 3 bedrooms (mine's 10'8x14'6), a study area, but only 1 bathroom. my closet looks pretty tiny...I may have to IKEA a dresser or two when I get there.

the fucking place is almost $1100/month including utilities/internet. that is fucking insane. the parents are putting me on a very tight budget (I know you're all thinking - what the fuck? this girl is going to a top fucking law school, able to pay back those damn loans in about 5 years and her parents are STILL supporting her? but who the hell turns down money?) so I basically have about $1000/month from them for food, transportation, books, and school related stuff...which really isn't bad, considering the fact that I won't be working at ALL during the school year and I have nowhere near what I need to have in my bank account.

speaking of which, my last day of training is tomorrow (thank God), and the guy who does scheduling then calls us as we are needed. what really pisses me off is the fact that I didn't know that I wouldn't be paid until about 3 weeks after I started working, and that I wouldn't get paid for training until I worked for 3 months...and that is just uncool because they hired me knowing that I was going to work for about 10 weeks. Whatever, I emailed the guy and asked for all the hours he could give me because I needed it and since I would only be here for the next 8 weeks.

I'm moving August 10th!! Since my dad has to move up north in 2 weeks to start his new job, that means my mom and I have to fly up north to move all my shit in (only 55lbs x 4 suitcases of luggage! what will I bring?!?!) which is SUCH a dissapointment because we drove back with a giant SUV full of shit, and now I can't bring anything that can't fit into a Samsonite. SAD. SAD. FACE.

Anyway, I just fucking unpacked all of my shit, now this weekend I have to start packing AGAIN, because we have to get all of my shit out of the formal living room and clean all the rooms because we have to list the house for sale. GOD. I HATE MOVING.

gym updates

it's day #whatever and still no hot man. i might have to give this one up. ugh.

something that i've noticed while running on the treadmill and going on the elliptical - men need to really think about what kind of underwear they are wearing. i mean, VPL is an epidemic plaguing not only the female but also a significant portion of the male population.

it really bothers me when i know what type of underwear a guy at the gym is wearing because i can see his TIGHTY WHITEY PANTY LINES against his very thin 1 layer of gym shorts. these people really need to think about what they look like, i mean that sight is not turning anyone on. i don't want to see your boxers bunched up to your ass either. pull that shit down and adjust yourself.

moreover, fat girls need to stop playing and start wearing clothes that cover their cellulite. i mean, great, you have on a shirt long enough to cover your buldges in the front and the back...but did you not consider the fact that those shorts are cutting up into your asscrack and with every step you take on that treadmill about 5 sacks of fat are shaking monstrously on the back of each thigh?

honestly. think of the children! yall are at the gym, it's great...but please, do not destroy my retinas in the process.

that didn't work out either

the whole being classy thing did NOT work out...althought I recognized this and made someone drive me there and drive me back, so at least I was safe in that way.

okay i am still drunk, semi-hungover, in my parents' house. reeking of booze.

FANTABULOUS beginning to this summer!

last night - bar that was throwing a party that my friend's promotional company was handling...sponsored by courvosier (or how the hell ever you spell that)

anyway, there was HOOKAH involved (for free!!) because we knew the guy and we were sitting with his girlfriend in the VIP section in the back (is this really what i've been missing down south?? i may be missing this place when i peace out in 2 months) so that was ridiculous.

then we get free red something shots. then free jager bombs. then free some other shots. then a giant bottle of jager for free. then a giant bottle of courvosier for free. clearly - I WAS TRASHED.

THEN ANDY DICK SHOWS UP. wtf?!!! i wanted NO part of that so (hello, it's andy dick) i just stood in the back and laughed at everyone else getting molested. also - andy dick's brother looks like jesus. his "bodyguard" wears jean shorts down to his ankles..and andy dick was as high as a kite (obvi) slurring everything he was saying. so maybe i wasn't as trashed as i thought i was...because i was still judging people by their appearances.

speaking of appearances, i assumed that this would be a total nothing party, just people chilling out, relaxing over booze, etc so i roll up in shorts, a tank top, and some flip flops. AWESOME. i'm glad i knew the guy at the door and everyone else because i may not have gotten in...because everyone was made up, wearing dresses/skirts, heels, and the boys were wearing button downs/blazers.

anyway, andy dick was hitting on one of my friends (guy) and asking him to be his boyfriend. AMAZING! also, this guy friend is totally cute (redhead! never tried that one before), must hit that up some time. andy dick's gay friend started making out with me (SEE HGF? GAY MEN MAKE OUT WITH WOMEN!**hgf has the honor of being the only man who's ever rejected me...and he's rejected me every time i've been drunk asking him to make out with me**) and saying i was hot or some bullshit and the said redhead cutie agreed, so watch out for those updates people.

fun things - seeing people i hadn't seen in like 4 years and catching up on gossip. apparently a bunch of the girls in my class are pregnant and/or have babies. AMAZING!!!

oh yeah, party ended around 3:30am - bar tabs close at 2:30am, they stop serving at 3am, then a fight broke out, and all i know is andy dick was involved. then the lights came on and so we left.

ridic.

Fine, I gave in

Social event number 1. Summer launch by my friend's promotions company.

I think I will be classy tonight and have only 1 drink.

Was on the phone with him for a while - wtf is up with these people and their significant others? Most of my friends from home have gotten fat and are still dating the same people they were in high school or someone in that same circle of friends...can we grow up and network a LITTLE bit more people? honestly. That's part of the reason I tried to get out of this place - because I didn't want to be tied down to everything that was home and every little piece of gossip between the same juvenile people.

Anyway, I'd like it if more people could be single. Then I wouldn't be tempted to actually answer one of many ex-boy's messages/phone calls but could just have fun.

I'm too unmotivated to find these people so I rely on my list of guy friends, most of whom (as stated previously) are either fat or attached.

Bullshit. Pure bullshit.

B-O-R-I-N-G

Home is really boring. I have like 2 friends who are actually in town, and I'm too lazy to actually make plans with them, or our schedules conflict.

I spent last night watching TV and then going to bed. I'm probably going to do the same thing tonight. I really just don't care for the people here. I've also avoided going out with the ex-boy so that leaves my actual social interactions with people limited to people at work.

Oh well, at least this brief respite gives my liver some time to heal itself, and my brain a lot less alcohol to drown itself in.

On another note - have still not seen the Hot Man from the gym. I am really sad about this, mostly because he actually motivated me to go to the gym and stay there longer so I can be a creeper and stare at him. I have yet to find a replacement for him. The guys at the gym are either really muscular and plain scary, or frat bro's trying to get their gym on...or old men who used to be frat bro's trying to get their gym on. It's slim pickings...so Marcher, if you're reading this, the gym is just not that exciting this summer.

HMOTD June 01

Has anyone been keeping up with this case? Of course he's from the south (Atlanta, went to UGA Law School with Jimmy Carter's grandson)...and ironically, he practices personal injury law. This case just keeps on getting better and better.

For the news-challenged, Andrew Speaker (or, now affectionately known as TB Andy) has a very fatal case of TB (but he's asymptomatic) and flew 2 transatlantic flights to Greece to get married, went on a European honeymoon, and even at the behest of the Italian government for him to be quarantined, he took a flight with his now-wife to Montreal, drove back to the US, and finally surrendered himself to a local hospital. Now he's at the CDC in Atlanta under quarantine - he's the first quarantine since 1977.

So he travelled despite at the urge of the CDC not to (he knew he had TB when he travelled), put many passengers in danger of contracting this fatal disease, just to get married when he could have just put off the wedding/honeymoon? What a fucking idiot.