Issue #infinity

According to HGF, I like cracked out men. This is totally true. And I need to correct that...because lord knows I was completely and seriously hitting on HGF's friend who is the most genuine, genius, cracked out drunkards that we both know. And I need to stop myself before it leads to something ridiculous.

To be honest, I like men who are a little off. Somehow, I've become one of those women who like men who have something wrong with them, that I can somehow fix (or maybe not fix). Maybe I just like the thrill of an adventure because you just never know what to expect with men like that.

I am extraordinarily attracted to him, and it's awful. The first time I ever met him, he said 10 words to me and I started making out with him. The second time I met him, I was standing between his legs and talking about his dick. Do I want there to be a third time? I told HGF to stop me from doing anything stupid next time, unless he thinks that I shouldn't stop...and he says I shouldn't stop...but to not date him, because no one has any idea what his thoughts on commitment are.

Chemistry. Some people just have it...ugh.

I miss him.

As much as I'm really forcing myself to move on, I can't help but miss him. When I went out with the boy from Saturday, he asked me what kind of guys I liked. At the time, I really had nothing to say except the generic - someone interesting, nice, etc.

I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days, and I just wrote those characteristics down. Reading over them, I realized that really, the page full of descriptions were qualities that I appreciated in the boy. And I realize now that the entire time I was thinking about what qualities attracted me to the boys that I date, I was thinking about what things I missed in the boy.

I'm just incredibly saddened by the fact that what we had really can't be worked out.

Unexpected

I went out with lawboy last night. Didn't expect much from it, but I think I officially fell in love last night.

1. He's a giant mess too (when he drinks a lot or is high)
2. His fav drink is a sapphire+tonic
3. He's pretty straight forward and laid back
4. He's in law school (3rd year) and has a job
5. He is SO freakin cute.

Okay I would have invited him up to my apartment...but I didn't shave my legs. Jewbear was sitting out on the couch in the living room, and my room was beyond messy. But we made out. He's short though, probably 5'9. But whatever. I'll continue to touch him.

Tired.

I'm just really tired of dealing with feelings and boys at this point. Just when I thought it was over with the boy and this and that, he decides that he's had his time to sit through and think about things alone. Apparently he cares about me more than he thought he did, and doesn't want to lose me.

My heart's a little too vulnerable right now to open up again to him. I spent a lot of time putting him out of my mind, and just accepting the fact that I am losing someone that I really connected with on a deep level, that someone that I really trusted hurt me, and that it's just going to be okay. I was letting go.

I finally thought I reached some peace with all of that, and he just brought back more anger and resentment. I don't associate him with happiness at this point anymore, and I told him that we needed to just get back into the groove of being friends again before I can be okay with resuscitating this relationship.

In other news - I really need to start developing some sort of radar for men who want to be my friend. I had a lot of guy friends in college - friends, not hook up buddies. I just assumed that coming into the real world, I can continue to be friends with men that I meet. Apparently not. From the summer on, the real world men apparently operate in ways that were unknown to me. They befriend me and always always always then ask me out on dates. And I think it's just friends hanging out. Then they try to put the moves on me, and how awkward is that?!

Anyway, why would I be interested in a guy friend in the first place? There's a reason you're my friend and I'm not actively trying to pursue you. There's just nothing more awkward than a male friend asking me out on a date...and me not realizing until he tries to kiss me.

DooDoo

Parts of my life that I have together:
1. Finally stopped calling the boy. Letting go is definitely (probably..maybe) the best choice.
2. Rejected city-boy's advances. No more mess to contend with in that department.

Parts of my life that I don't have together:
1. I've barely started outlining for my classes this semester
2. I'm not caught up with my torts readings
3. I have a contracts memo due tomorrow
4. I have a legal writing memo due friday that my professor claims suffers from lack of legal research (which you know, is totally true).

And now I'm going to do some yoga and watch nip/tuck and try to get my shit together.

The boy has continued to ignore my phone calls. He's also taken on the habit of not calling me back or texting.

I'm not sure how much more effort I want to put into communicating with him anymore. I might give it another week.

In other news - city-boy asked me to go to a concert with him this friday.
pros: i really like the band; i haven't been to a concert in a while; the ticket is free; it starts at 7pm so i have plenty of time to do other stuff afterwards.
cons: i don't exactly have a romantic interest in him; i don't want to lead him on; i'd rather be hanging out with AFM; it's one of my friends' birthday parties.

Well, I guess I'm just not going to this concert.

Rewind, Repeat.

Met a blonde boy (they kill me!), possibly one of the only ones here who has consistent gigs (as in...not broke) in the film production/photography world. His photo series on India was just exhibited. He apparently worked on Lindsay Lohan's proactiv commercial as well as Britney Spears' video with Madonna and with Snoop Dogg. Apparently on the set with Snoop Dogg, Britney wouldn't come out of the set and was sobbing and crying in her trailer. That was the night she sprained her knee and they just stopped production.

Anyway, we were at a wine bar - good wine, good conversation. Headed back to his apartment. Making out in the cab...on his bed half naked. Our bodies work well together...it seemed as though we had known each other for years, not days.

No sex. Nothing for him. He actually had to go and finish off in the bathroom because we kept on starting and stopping. But he has such a nice dick. I'm going to call him Artsy Fartsy Man aka AFM from now on.

Okay, so maybe I'm not as terrible in luck as I had previously thought. Although all these well endowed men that I keep on meeting are spoiling me for the average joe that I will inevitably meet.

The city-boy that I met 2 weeks ago was average...average looking, average dick, probably average love making abilities. Why was I settling for average???

AFM was raw and had passion. The artsy ones always do.