Tired.

I'm just really tired of dealing with feelings and boys at this point. Just when I thought it was over with the boy and this and that, he decides that he's had his time to sit through and think about things alone. Apparently he cares about me more than he thought he did, and doesn't want to lose me.

My heart's a little too vulnerable right now to open up again to him. I spent a lot of time putting him out of my mind, and just accepting the fact that I am losing someone that I really connected with on a deep level, that someone that I really trusted hurt me, and that it's just going to be okay. I was letting go.

I finally thought I reached some peace with all of that, and he just brought back more anger and resentment. I don't associate him with happiness at this point anymore, and I told him that we needed to just get back into the groove of being friends again before I can be okay with resuscitating this relationship.

In other news - I really need to start developing some sort of radar for men who want to be my friend. I had a lot of guy friends in college - friends, not hook up buddies. I just assumed that coming into the real world, I can continue to be friends with men that I meet. Apparently not. From the summer on, the real world men apparently operate in ways that were unknown to me. They befriend me and always always always then ask me out on dates. And I think it's just friends hanging out. Then they try to put the moves on me, and how awkward is that?!

Anyway, why would I be interested in a guy friend in the first place? There's a reason you're my friend and I'm not actively trying to pursue you. There's just nothing more awkward than a male friend asking me out on a date...and me not realizing until he tries to kiss me.