Foreigners

I tried to move on. I woke up to the smell of roses, the dozen that he sent me because he was so sorry, and just immediately thought "my fucking room smells like roses...I hate him."

Went to the bars last night with the intention of meeting some crazy little [otherlawschool] boy. I don't know why I decided last night was just it. Maybe it was to prove to myself that I am not so deep into this that I'm not attracted to other [normal] boys, and that yes, there are law boys out there that I can actually deal with. And maybe it was also just so I can get over the boy quicker.

I'm not so sure the 2nd of those reasons was a very healthy option. I can't healthily move past this until I forgive him, and until I accept all of those feelings, and move on, with or without the boy.

I met some LLMs last night, well, one in particular actually matters. He was an amazing kisser. I'm starting to believe that foreign boys speak much better English compared to their American counterparts when it comes to picking up women. The first boy that I talked to (even though I found out later he has a girlfriend), after I told him about beer gardens, asked "So you're taking me there?" in the most adorable Italian accent.

The boy I spent most of the night with, repeatedly told me that I was a "fire starter" among other things - shit that no American boy can come up with. His kisses were so passionate, aggressive, they were amazing. But this one's kisses didn't give me that pit-of-the-stomach-butterfly-flutters that the boy's kisses give me.

I don't know what last night meant, but I woke up this morning, sober, hungover, alone, and sad.