I think it's called "daddy complex"

Last night, my friend and I had a conversation about the lack of actual men on this campus, leading to our succumbing to the advances of awkward fratty boys. Now I have nothing against fratty boys, other than the fact that they are fratty, and are in fact boys and not men. However, I would like something that is not alcohol-induced, and does not lead to regrets the next hour as I am vomitting into a trash can and he is incessantly text-messaging my phone (sadly, a true story).

Nonetheless, my friend and I both agreed that we would rather bang a 37 year old sexy academic any day over an 18 year old nubile fratty pledge boy. One professor, in particular, has caught our ever-lurking eye. He is a fine piece of symmetry and is the epitome of being classically handsome. (He is a blogging prof, and hopefully will stumble upon this one day, be flattered, and fall in love with me).

Now last (academic) year (note: to the certain someone/s reading, when I was NOT dating a certain other someone), perhaps a year of terrible and terrific life decisions, I had some experience with the over 35 crowd, and I must say - the men are not any less awkward than the fratty boys, although I suppose there is a reason they are still single/never-been-married and over 35. They had unique life stories, made for fun conversation, but were actually quite dull in bed. I suppose had I pursued one in particular for any further than a one-night-stand, he could have made for a quite aggressive and pleasing lover, but alas, it was not the case.

The other interesting one was an unrequited love, because the object of my lurking creepiness for an entire semester, was actually my professor. I don't know what it is - he is doughy-looking, kind of short - but I was obsessed. He was the dorky kind, not like the other, who was willing to transgress the University Ethic Code. Nonetheless, he got me to actually go to every single class and my GPA was the highest of any semester here.

My friends all thought I was kidding, and were shocked to find out that I was actually serious about this one. I had never fallen for anyone so hard (especially someone that I barely knew). I actually attended office hours (more than once!)...and at one point his face was so close to mine I wanted to grab it and kiss him passionately. It was a high school crush, a silly girl doting her affections on someone completely unattainable. But like all high school crushes, it consumed me. I actually look forward to going to class.

It was getting out of hand, and at the end of the semester, I had made a bet with a friend who also had an unrequited love and who was lurking him just as much as I was lurking the prof that we had to actually confess our love (the loser who didn't tell had to buy the other a handle of Tanq, clearly there was much at stake).

My heart was pounding, I really did NOT want to go through with this, and I pretty much freaked out in the building's stairwell, calling another friend asking for support. My courageous, bold, and yet quite dumb, ass knocked on his door at a time that wasn't even office hours, and proceeded to spill out everything, which was prefaced by the phrase "I think you are adorable" which may or may not be the most appropriate thing to say to a 36 year old academic who is actually in charge of my academic outcome in a class...

...he blushed, he stammered, and it was...adorable. You'd think it ended there -but no. My courageous, bold, and yet exceedingly dumb, ass emailed him my phone number and told him that I'd be here for the summer once the classes were over. Unfortunately, that was completely rejected with an email touting the University Ethics Code. For shame. Even more saddening is the fact that I have not seen this adorable awkward man since then, and since this is my last semester here, the chances are slim to none that I will see him again.

Next semester: ubiquitous ivy-league law school, and thus perhaps more travels down the lane of the awkward 30somethings.